Desert Island Brands - Steve Richards

The cast of Channel 4's 'Lost'. They'd know how to organise running water and a comfy hammock. Plus, from what I've seen, they could also build a golf course and combine a table lamp and banana tree to radio for help (oh, and shoot any marauding polar bears...)

2. Last taste of civilisation
The island has a plentiful supply of nuts and fruit, not to mention a healthy population of fish, so you will have plenty to eat. But which one food brand are you really going to miss from your old life?
Raisin scones from Starbuck's. I'd sip coconut tea over a scone every afternoon at four o'clock and dream of dear old Blighty (and wonder who Wayne Rooney was upsetting this week).

3. Best reminder of home
Successful survivalists always claim that it is mental attitude which sees them through. Belief that you will get back home is going to be vital -- so which brand will sum up home best?
Charlton Athletic. The club embodies lots of enviable British traits; the ability to pull together in times of adversity, understated self-belief and unflinching willingness to work hard to achieve success. Someone stop me, I'm welling up...

4. Most welcome online brand
Eventually you manage to rig up your own connection to the internet using bits and pieces found on the beach but you have only one chance to log on to a website before it goes down -- which online brand will you choose?
Has to be the Beeb. Ray Mears could tell me how to fashion a three-piece suite from a handful of beechnuts, CBeebies would keep the kids quiet and I could watch 'Early Doors' and 'The Mighty Boosh' to keep spirits high.

5. Ultimate luxury
Self indulgence is hard to come by on a desert island, so what brand would you be most excited to find washed up on the beach?
Unlimited access to iTunes and a 20-ft high pair of Bang & Olufsen speakers. I'd keep the natives and the wildlife entertained with a beguiling mix of Elvis, Radiohead and Curtis Mayfield.  

6. Transferable skills
You already work in the jungle of marketing so there are probably skills which you have acquired through your job which will come in handy -- or you may have other hidden talents. Which of your personal skills will help you to get to grips with life on a desert island?
Natural impatience will help to get things done. Decisiveness will help to keep the cast of 'Lost' occupied with the chores. And a cheery disposition will come in handy when the raisin scones run out.

Adrian Whitefoord, founding partner of Pemberton and Whitefoord, comments:
I agree, the cast from 'Lost' would be good in some ways. But, in the few episodes I saw some of the characters actually shot each other, which I would find a bit worrying personally. Can't Steve settle for somebody off the box who is less mercurial? He's mentioned Ray Mears for example, or how about that ghastly bloke who presents the gardening programmes and writes bodice rippers as a sideline? As for the help with marauding polar bears.... Steve you haven't been paying attention mate! This is a desert island. I know all the chat about global warming can cause us to worry unduly sometimes, but frankly there won't be any polar bears on the island for a few millennia yet. More likely to run into the fishy namesake of your company while out for a quick paddle. And, as for the golf course, that might be a challenge as the island is very heavily afforested. You are more likely to end up with a nine-hole pitch and putt course on the beach. How does that sound?

Now Steve, no good getting annoyed by a bloke who has the misfortune to be named after John Wayne and Mickey Rooney -- Hollywood's very own Little & Large. As for the raisin scones they are cool, but Starbies is a bit borderline now I think. So, 10 out of 10 on the choice of a non coffee beverage. By the way, was that a skinny coconut tea Steve?

It's a very English trait to take the piss out of each other's football teams, and as a supporter of Charlton Athletic (or as we Arsenal fans call them Charlton Arthritic), Steve will be no stranger to that phenomenon. Granted, manager Alan Curbishley says he is determined to turn his side's dismal run around and make a success of this season, but in my view they've hit crisis point throwing away a two-goal lead and a place in the Carling Cup quarter-finals against Blackburn a couple of weeks ago. And, they've played poorly to lose four consecutive Premiership defeats and slip down the table from second to 11th spot. Bad news. Still, not every fan goes so far as to get themselves marooned so they don't have to watch the next match.

Another one for the Beeb. And what great taste this man has -- 'Boosh'. Love that show. Like Vince, I used to be an uber-mod myself (complete with scooter and a hundred weight of headlights and mirrors). So, have a huge affinity with one of the lead characters. And now a word about Tommy Nookah -- you may have believed that he was eaten by wolves in series one after having turned into a huge piece of cheese? But no! He was last rumoured to have washed up on a South Sea island and turned into part man and part swordfish due to eating an overload of his favourite fishy barbecue steaks. So look out for him Steve -- you never know do you?

Elvis, Radiohead and Curtis Mayfield -- a beguiling mix?!? If you believe that then you are likely to be one of the gullible people that were kept awake at night by the memory of Tommy's head being grated up and fed to the wolves. But, I do like the sound of the 20ft high pair of Bang & Olufsen speakers though. The local tribe would also really love you for the sheer OTTness of it. And the upside is that it's not easy to annoy the neighbours when you are this far from civilisation, so what have you got to lose? By the way, the chief has been looking for a worthy delivery system for his 'Best of Liberace' double CD for a while now, and if you let him play the first hour or so at full whack then I'm sure he'll be your friend for life.

Then again, if you don't...

Steve Richards is a director of Swordfish, an integrated agency based in W1 with clients like Reebok, BBC, Clear Channel and Danone. Its collaborative strategic approach, called 'Sharp Thinking', has generated a series of award-winning campaigns in recent years, including a Gold at the recent EACA European Awards.

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