Anyone want to buy my slightly used DAF?

Everyone over here is freaking out about the current melt down of the economy... The big topic of discussion is whether or not the Big Three Automakers should get a multi million dollar bail out... Which will be paid for by my tax dollars.

These are the numb nuts who for years have assumed America wanted bigger and bigger Hummers... Which they did, 'till the price of petrol started to go up. Even at its highest, it was only half the price you pay in Europe. But Americans feel they have a god given right to cheap gas.

Now it's going down again (probably only temporarily) but people are running out of money and have maxed out their credit cards. Car sales are dropping through the floor and already some of the big car agencies are laying off people... There's going to be a lot more before this blood bath is over.

Remember when working on a car account was semi-glamorous? All those great shoots on Icelandic glaciers and s*h*i*t... Now you'll be lucky if you get to shoot on a bomb site in Wigan.  

Sad days ahead in Silicon Valley

When Cisco announced disastrous last quarter sales today, the stock market took a nosedive... Yeah, I know, it's been doing that for days.

But the problem with the Cisco news is that this is not only a bell-weather for other technology stocks, it's also a sharp stick in the eye for all the digital/new/social media wankers that make their millions via the Internet.

Then later today Cisco announced it was  cancelling a two-week sales conference planned for next August in San Francisco. You have to understand that conferences like this are a combination of boot camp, old-fashioned tent revivals, and fraternity piss-ups, supposedly held to rev up a company's revenue generators; even though they pretend it's to educate salespeople about new products and compensation plans.

By the time the evenings roll around, these affairs usually devolve into debauchery. Particularly if they're held in another "Off Site" favorite venue... Las Vegas. But not this time.

No tea with the Queen... But, beer with you. Play your cards right... And who knows?

For all my British fans...  Here is a link to the wonderful panel I moderated at the last psfk Conference in San Francisco about three months ago. It was all about how companies and organizations can leverage social media to enhance consumer dialogue, evolve product offering and improve sales, whatever that means. 

I did my best to remain focused, even though the the beautiful Lynn Casey from Team Noesis was sat next to me and it was hard to keep my eyes off her wonderful legs. And that's not all!!! As the infomercial's say...

I shall be over there in a couple of weeks for a few days... If anyone wants to get me legless at their expense while lyposuctioning the wisdom of ages from my disintegrating brain... Drop me an email... I shall be in London from November 19th on.

If you really care!!!

Obama wins big time!!! McCain ends up in the Poisoned Dwarf's basement!

In 24 hours it will all be over and America will wake from its 8 year nightmare!

As I write this here in the US, it's still November 3rd. Tomorrow, it will be November 4th. The day America votes for a new President, Senate and Congress. All the signs are that Barack will win big and the Democrats will run up big majorities in both houses. Soon the nightmare of the last eight years will be over, and Bush can go back to his ranch in Texas to bask in the glory of going down in history as the worst President this country has ever had to put up with.

Although I have to admit, a lot of very dumb people put him in power the last time. There's some doubt about the first time. But the way the early voting has been going and the registration of new voters, I believe this will be a landslide. I certainly hope so. Then the fascist, religious freaks who've been running things for the last eight years can disappear into the wilderness for awhile. But, they'll be back, probably with Sarah Palin at the head of the ticket.

I've lived here, off and on, for over thirty years, and in many respects the place still mystifies me. Hopefully, this time tomorrow I shall be getting legless as I watch Obama become President Elect. What has this to with advertising, even though both parties have spent more than one billion dollars on advertising? Nothing... But it makes me damn happy to write it.

Enjoy Guy Fawkes Day!

Wake me up on November 5th. No, not for Guy Fawkes!

Consider yourself lucky you are not living in the US for the next week. Why? Because it's the final week of the Presidential campaign, which feels like it has been running forever. Lets get a couple of things straight. I am an Obama supporter. Eight more years of right wing, neo-con, religious bulls*h*i*t would be a disaster for this country. Having said that, most Democrats in this country would be well to the right of most Conservatives in the UK. The laughable thing is the way McCain and "Lets shoot wolves from planes" Palin are now describing Obama as a Socialist. A word they throw in the same hopper as Liberal and Communist.

But, moving on to the point of this rant... Getting elected in this country is all about money (Yeah, I know that applies over there) But, not to the extent it does here. 'Cos you need tons of money for advertising, primarily on TV. I'm talking millions and millions here. Even people running for state and city office, spend millions on TV. And they do it for month after month. The grand finale will be on Wednesday, when Obama runs THIRTY MINUTE commercials on all the major networks, including the Spanish language ones.

Like I say, politicos world wide are corrupt (US senator Ted Stevens and many others) It's just that it takes s*h*i*t loads of money to get elected here compared to over there. The good thing is, in a week, it will be over... But then, within weeks it will start again for 2012... Mark my words. It never ends.

Tough Times at WPP... For some!

You have to laugh when you read all that crap about WPP's hiring freeze. I'm sure, as is usual with "The Diminished One," this will be a rule that affects everyone in his basement empire, except himself. I remember years ago when I was negotiating with JWT, I asked for First Class air travel, as well as a Roller and a satellite phone!!! (Well, if you don't ask, you don't get.)

They told me to get knotted as everyone in the company traveled business class, including Sir Martin. Next week, I read in the New York Times that while he was doing his deal to buy Y&R, he traveled on Concorde six times in two weeks... Funny, I never knew they had Economy Class on Concorde! Didn't even get the bloody James Bond phone, either.

Obama's ads now on a video game near you!

Here in the US, race car drivers were a bit surprised over the weekend to spot trackside billboards with the Presidential contender's face on them and the message "Early Voting Has Begun. VoteForChange.com." OK, this wasn't on an actual track, these were virtual billboards, on imaginary roads, driven by Xbox 360 players in an online version of the popular racing video game "Burnout Paradise."

Game maker Electronic Arts confirmed Monday that the Obama campaign ads were the real deal. "Like most TV, radio and print outlets, we accept advertising from credible political candidates," an EA spokeshack told the tech blog GigaOm. "Like political spots on the television networks, these ads do not reflect the political policies of EA or the opinions of its development teams."

As you can imagine, most gamers were less than thrilled about this...

"The McCain campaign will respond by buying ads at Pong consoles nationwide," joked one. "You can't even PAY for a video game without being pummeled with ads," complained another.

At least, gamers only have three weeks of this bullshit to look forward to. Political ads on TV have been almost non-stop for the last two years.

The world according to Big Dumb Agencies... Everything is great!

If the situation over there is anything like it is over here, you have to think it's time to start battening down the hatches. This weeks AdAge has a very good, extensive piece on Draft/FCB two years after the merger, which is a great illustration of how most senior managers at BDA's just don't get it and fail to realize we are poised to fall off the cliff.

Excellent read, particularly as it quotes me... It features my advice to Hughie, Dewey & Louie to "shut the f*u*c*k up." I tell them to stop making asinine videos and claiming they have created the agency of the future. Then all we hear about are mass layoffs.

Howard Draft goes on record as saying " After two years, all the heavy lifting is done!" Implying they are now going to set the world on fire. The problem is, the world is already on fire, and it has nothing to do with anything Draft/FCB has done.

The end is nigh... But I am near!!!

Just in case you guys over there, haven't been paying attention... The economy in the US is in a giant melt down... OK, I know, the same is happening over there, and even when you nationalize the odd bank or two, hey, what's wrong with that. Over here, doing that smacks of socialism and pinko faggot government bailouts. But, what the hell, they do it and call it "Free-Market-Capitalism." At the end of the day, it means the little guys save the big guys... But, as the used to say in my Mancunian birth place... "It's the rich wot gets the gravy... It's the poor wot gets the blame." How F*u*c*k*i*n*g true is that? So, what has this to do with our treasured business of advertising... Everything... Think about it... I shall be over there in late November and we can discuss this weighty subject. Stay tuned for dates and venues etc. In the meantime save your pennies for buying me lots of well deserved pints... Cheers/George

Wonderbra does stupid!

I had to laugh when I read in today's BrandRepublic about the "Curvy Wonderbra model quitting after being told to lose weight!" Apparently some douchenozzle at Wonderbra suggested she sign up with a model agency after she had already appeared in the well known billboard, which was done by my mates at Iris, hosts of the world's greatest ad conference "Under the Influence." The one where I got semi-legless earlier this year, and expect to do the same next year... If they invite me back.

As is usual with "Model Agencies," if you ain't Twiggy, you won't do. Which shows how stupid they are considering the whole point of the campaign was about women who in the words of the ads are "D-G. Because we're more than a handful."

Besides which, you can't very well use the usual anorexic models to show a bra for the "Fuller Figure, as they used to say in the old corset ads.

Why in this screwed up business does nothing ever change? Come to think about it, you can ask the same about the fashion industry.

WPP... Things are rumbling, if not tumbling!

As I've been writing about on AdScam, several things seem to be in the blender for dear old Sir Martin. Apart from the fact that he's seemingly discovered a taste for Guinness and is moving the Wire & Plastic Products offices to the green, tax free bogs of Ireland.

There are also strong rumors here that after having won and lost Wachovia Bank within 48 hours, there may be some merger of O&M with another WPP New York outpost... Probably Grey.

After all, O&M's new biz record is only marginally better than the state of the US economy... Say no more!

The sky is falling. Well, it is if you're a BDA!

No wonder Bloomberg is reporting today that US ad spending is down 3.7% in the second quarter, which is the biggest drop since 2001. What with the Wall Street bailout, the Iraq war, the crisis in what the American's laughably call "Health Care" (None of that Communist Nationalized health for the land of the free!) the sinking property market and rising unemployment.

This country is so deep in debt, my grandkids will be paying the Chinese back long after I've gone to the big pub in the sky. Obviously main stream media is the biggest sufferer, with more and more money going into the digital pot.

Worse news of all? Ad spending on liquor fell 14 percent to $196.4 million in the first half of the year. There go all my free samples! It's going to be a tough couple of years.

Greed is good... As long as you can get away with it.

With all the sh*t hitting the fan over here because of the Wall Street melt down, the Adverati are starting to get nervous about where there next billion or so in billings might come from.  The latest twist in the Chernobyl-flavored credit meltdown is the news that Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley will undergo transgender surgery and become...bank holding companies.

Any future MBA might now wish to consider a career in good old accounting, as opposed to an investment banking dream-position complete with the million-dollar bonus, not to mention the Aston-Martin in the driveway of the Hamptons' mansion. 

However, the expected change in the Wall Street business model is important enough to have future Gordon Gecko's altering their master plans. The most powerful man in the known universe is now not some highly compensated Wall Street firm head, but a government employee: Mr. Paulson. (Who used to be a highly compensated Wall Street heavy, walking with a multi-million golden parachute).

Speaking of employees, it is now safe to say that executive compensation, bonuses, golden parachutes, and pre-nup employment clauses will be changed to reflect new realities and some schemes may go away altogether. More importantly, some of the Gekkos that slithered off with giant parting gifts of "comfort money" might be asked to return a few million as well.

Anyway, the upshot will undoubtedly be the reigning in of large financial accounts and sponsorships. Expect to see the AIG logo's on Man United's shirts to be replaced by Fred's Auto Emporium.

Bill and Jerry do Microsoft!

I don't know if it's running in the UK yet, but Microsoft has just launched a new campaign here in the US featuring Jerry Seinfeld and Bill gates. The first spot was a ninety second TV spot that takes place in a shoe store. The next episode in the Bill and Jerry saga has just come out. You can see it at engadget in all it's four and a half minute glory.

This one has the dynamic duo moving in with a suburban family, primarily because, as every red blooded American knows Bill has the world's biggest house and Jerry has the world's largest collection of cars. So, obviously they want to see how ordinary people live. CP+B the agency responsible for this $300 million campaign is taking a lot of stick, 'cos a lot of viewers, just don't get it. Parts of it are pretty funny, but there's virtually no selling taking place. MS has said there will be more product push in later episodes, so we'll see.

The problem to me is that while this approach may work in Britain, most American's don't get this kind of humor, thinking that "irony" is some Eastern European country. CPB is famous for hit and miss campaigns, including the dreadful "Deadenbacher," Nike "History of Running" and "Mans Laws" campaigns that lost them all three accounts. The jury is out on Microsoft, and we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, Seinfeld's $10 million fee will pay off!