Media Bitch's Diary 2 December
This week, Media Bitch goes to glamorous Luton, threatens Christian O'Connell with a smacked bottom, gets mobile with Mark "Gravy" Jarvis, and learns that one her media chums has been caught by the fuzz.
Richard Desmond: targeting the white van man?
White van man
Bitch loves the glamour of her job and no more so than this week, when she boarded a train from St Pancras to the show business capital of the UK – Luton.
The reason? A "VIP" invitation from Richard Desmond to the opening of Northern & Shell's new print plant at its new "Media City" in the town known for being the heartland of the English Defence League, but chiefly for being the home of Vauxhall Motors, one of the principle manufacturers of white vans.
The Northern & Shell boss made sure he smoked one of his trademark cigars (surely a fire hazard with that much paper around Richard?), and showed off the trademark younger glamorous wife (Bitch needs to put her claws away) after he had entertained the assembled guests, including Aegis Media print and radio director Dom Williams and outgoing head of trading Steve Platt.
Bitch thinks, that as the publisher of The Star, Desmond has made a particularly shrewd move – get right to the heart of your key consumer. After all, no matter how much Northern & Shell protests, Bitch is pretty sure The Star's key demographic includes quite a few builders, whose key mode of transportation is…the white van.
Bitch found herself at the Marketing Society’s 'Night of Global Leaders' dinner at Old Billingsgate this week, with most of the clients you all wish you had in your address book, darlings.
Among the assembled clients were media interlopers Jason Cotterrell, chief executive of CBS Outdoor, Mark Creighton, chief operating officer at Mindshare, and Mike Gordon and Stephen Miron from Global Radio.
However, there was one media personality who didn't quite make it, one of Bitch's favourites, Absolute Radio’s breakfast DJ Christian O’Connell.
Now normally this would be all right, as Bitch knows that guests drop out of these events all the time. Unfortunately, Christian was supposed to be the event's host! This left a rather bemused last-minute "host" to step in and save the day – the newsreader Martyn Lewis, who had been given a whole four hours to prepare.
Bitch says well done Mr. Lewis and, unless you had a valid excuse, a smacked bottom for Mr. O’Connell the next time Bitch sees you.
The hazards of predictive text, my little mobile media types! Bitch hears that one media owner founder – let’s call him Mark Jarvis from the7stars – got himself into a bit of a jam with typing his own name into a text back to the office while he was out and about on his day-to-day business.
Running between meetings ‘Jarvo’ forgot to check the sign-off of his name on his mobile. Apparently, the predictive text for Mr Jarvis (if he’s not watching what he’s doing) signs him off as "gravy".
Bitch wouldn't want to encourage the contacts of the infamous media veteran to adopt the new nickname, but she has heard that the7stars serve up a meaty media offering with all the trimmings.
Caught by the fuzz
Bitch has always seen herself as a very low-rent 3am girl, so she thought she'd leave you with a bit of a media whisper. Which former digital head at a top 10 agency recently found themselves at the wrong end of the long arm of the law after a rather long lunch just off Charlotte Street?
Finding himself at Goodge Street Tube station, the employment guru came up against the rozzers and ended up spending a couple of hours in the cells on a "drunk in a public place" charge. Bitch hopes you're feeling better this morning darling…
Looks like Christmas has started early my little festive types. Let's be careful out there.
This article was first published on mediaweek.co.uk
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